In the weeks following my c-section, I felt so weird. I was particularly disturbed by the knowledge that my insides had been exposed to the outside. This really freaked me out and was a primary trigger for my flashbacks. I would wake up from nightmares in which my body was split in two right across my abdomen. It would take several minutes before I could convince myself that the sutures were closed and I didn’t have a gaping wound.
I was healing from a major surgery that I did not want (and possibly didn’t even need). At the same time, I was also learning to breastfeed for the first time. And I was experiencing all the normal postpartum elements as well (lochia, nightsweats, engorgement).
I didn’t recognize my own body. I was bloated and uncomfortable. For extra fun, I couldn’t get up from a seated position without help or weird gymnastics.
I experienced a trauma response to the birth/c-section. And I was embarking on a humongous battle with postpartum depression. In short, it was awful.